i barfeds in our rink
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
