I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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