I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
