it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
