Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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