In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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