Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
