take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
