Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
