I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
