maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
