i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
