Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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