it was like fucking gandolphs beard
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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