EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
