He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
