Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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