I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
how drunk are you?
Several
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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