the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
