the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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