im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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