I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
