when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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