i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
