Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
