he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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