I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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