this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
