i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
