I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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