in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
