I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
