Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Are we still banned from the library?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
the liver wants what the liver wants
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
