Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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