New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
