There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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