My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
