she looked like the before picture.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
