do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
