Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
