I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
