Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is the high leading the old right now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
