I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
