also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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