I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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