You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
