Three words: puerto rican gang bang
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
