imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
