New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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