Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
