I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
