my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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